Healing Relationships Using MEM: Part 3 of 3
The procedures developed in Causism are all directed towards individuals, to rid them of negative viewpoints. This is why there is always an improvement in clients’ relationships, even though only they, and not the others with whom they relate, have received help.
A particular adaptation of the Mace Method has been developed with the express purpose of addressing relationship problems. As simple as this procedure is, its effects are enormous and extend beyond the immediate relationship in ever-widening circles, as the person’s changed demeanour rubs off on other associates. Even in isolation, it can and does create miracles, as the following testimonial – from a woman, 60 plus years old – verifies.
My husband and I were walking on the beach this morning and discussing how lucky we were to be able to live in and enjoy such lovely surroundings when he added, ‘and to find peace at last in ourselves and our relationship’.* This is thanks to you John and your amazing sessions, particularly the relationship sessions. Since then we have had no stress, no upsets and our lives and relationships just flow. There is no undercurrent tension – it has been nothing short of miraculous. We have both been on the personal growth path for years, but your wonderful technology has set us both free to just be – any upset is just like a hiccup, there and gone. Many, many thanks.
[* The husband had been under medical care for many years because of depression and panic attacks that had put enormous strains on their relationship. ]
The negative non-survival viewpoints that we all have are the root cause of any animosity in a relationship, any dislike of the other. Any intolerance towards the other is because the view of the other that has been created contains more negative attributes than positive attributes – the other is ‘not seen in a good light’. This is where the three fingers pointing back come into play: the owner of the three fingers has his or her own negative identity that is reacting to the negativity he or she sees in the other.
John Avery, a very successful practitioner with a remarkable ability to relate to children, told me the following story: One of his clients asked him to help her daughter, who was very unhappy at school, where she felt another girl was very antagonistic towards her.
The daughter, who was a primary school student, agreed to be helped, so John used the relationship repair handling with her. Shortly afterwards, the mother told John that what happened was beyond her wildest dreams: the two antagonists were now ‘best friends’. But there was more to it than that. When John later spoke to the child, she proudly told him that whenever she feels put out by someone she makes herself bigger than the other person, and then she just laughs. Out of the mouths of babes!
A recent case history of my own concerned a woman who made an appointment for both herself and her 17-year-old daughter. As they entered my room for a preliminary discussion, the daughter’s belligerence and antagonism were palpable. As soon as they were seated, I looked at the daughter and asked, “What do you want handled?” The answer she gave was exactly what her demeanour and body language indicated: ‘Nothing! Mum made me come!’ ‘Okay,’ I replied. ‘You are not looking for help from me, so I will not attempt to give you any. You can wait in the garden while I talk with your mum.’
With a winning smile on her face, she started to get up, but the smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared when her mother turned her wrath on her. She had not driven her daughter 100 miles to see me for nothing! She was going to have some help whether she wished it or not! I interrupted with the obvious question of the young lady, ‘Do you want any help?’ and I received the obvious answer – she was too antagonistic to be anything but honest – ‘No! I want to be left alone!’
It is important to mention that there is no way you can help a person who does not want help, nor can you change anyone who does not want to change. The need to change is in the eyes of the observer; it is certainly not a wish of the individual under scrutiny. That person is happy the way they are. Even if their behaviour could be classed as anti-social, they have no desire to change.
In this particular case, I became a mediator between an angry teenager and a mother who was oscillating between grief and anger. Eventually, it was agreed that the daughter could go into the garden and the mother would have a session with me, which was, of course, the relationship repair procedure.
About 30 minutes later, after a few moments of mutual laughter, we walked together into the garden. The daughter got off the garden bench, a bit apprehensive and not knowing what to expect, but she certainly didn’t expect the smile on her mother’s face or the arms her mother put around her. Not a word was said, and none was needed, but as they left, the mother turned to give me a hug (the best reward of all) and, having the final word while patting the girl’s shoulder, I said to her, ‘I do understand.’
Causism recognises the difference between reacting and responding, in that the former is irrational and non-survival, whereas the latter is definitely rational and pro-survival – particularly for the person concerned. No matter what the response, it is always right for that person – pro-survival for them. The nature of the response is entirely dependent on the circumstances.
In a broader sense, if party A has a relationship repair, their attitude towards part B – their flows – changes. Party B notices the change and, in turn, their flows change towards party A. This change continues reciprocating between both parties, so there is a definite change for the better in their environment.
Copyright © John Mace. 27 July 2015 / All Rights Reserved
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